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AIDS by Julien Blacas 1S

The HIV it's a dangerous virus, transmitted by blood or sexual fluids , which affects millions of people nowadays.
The most infected are the Africans because they have unprotected sexual relations.Because those people can't afford protection, we respectable citizens from all over the world are not sheltered from this bacteria.
From a survey that I have read, 75% of the contaminated are drug users, homosexuals or blood donors, they are a threat to the world !
We must put them in "Quarantine" or send them to a country to live far away from us.
Thus we will be sure that we won't be infected, and they will die far from our countries.
I think that is the best way to protect ourselves, and it is the best choice for everybody.

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Alexander Ritthaler , writing à la manière de Jonathan swift

Zealotry

It is profane to all who walk this earth, the irrational, eager, and intensely enthusiastic ravings of mad bigots, trying to impose their beliefs on others, importuning every passer-by with a megaphone to professing the sacrifice of Christ, the suffering in Hell, or the serenity in Heaven. I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts.

I have been assured by a very well versed Chinese Harvard graduate that countries without diplomacy or freedom of speech can be widely respected by the world-wide community. I suggest that we apply this very concept to religion: a censorial bar or tone could be deployed to control the medias, and infractors could be fined a well-adjusted sum or imprisoned, depending on the degree of their belief. A large quantity of publicity should be employed so as to subdue a revolution. All immigrants should be cleansed of all religious belief by setting flame to any influential holy books, as a testament of their non-belief.

Granted the anti-religious cult should seem rather manipulative on the behalf of the government, but still less than that of an active religion, and thus a straightforward conversion.

An A-Ritt productio

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Original text

It is a melancholy object to those who walk through this great town, or travel in the country, when they see the streets, the roads and cabin-doors crowded with beggars of the female sex, followed by three, four, or six children, all in rags, and importuning every passenger for an alms;[.]i shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts.[.]

I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled, and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee, or a ragout.[.] A chid will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter.[.]

I grant this food will be somewhat dear and therefore very proper for landlords, who, as they have already devoured most of the parents, seem to have the best title to the children.

Jonathan Swift, A Modest proposal (1729).